16 years: what my wife has taught me about life (so far)

People tend to glorify round numbers when they’re celebrating a milestone: 5, 10, 20 years. But something worth celebrating is worth celebrating in between those milestones, too.

That’s one of many things Shannon, my wife, has taught me about love and life in the 16 years we’ve been together so far.

Here are a few more:

Friendship is gardening, not painting.
Relationships can’t be set up and admired from afar; they must be nurtured to thrive.

Anger is a disguise for truer feelings.
If you’re mad at others, it’s often hunger. If you’re mad at yourself, it’s often exhaustion. If you’re mad at the world, it’s often fear. Look deeper and deal with the real feeling.

Related: always pack snacks. Hanger sneaks up and wreaks havoc.

The line between perseverance and stubbornness is thin but not invisible. Perseverance is the pursuit of a clear vision, no matter the obstacles. Stubbornness is a way to avoid admitting that we’ve lost our way.

If you’re reading between the lines, make sure the lines actually exist. You can drive yourself mad looking for hidden motives and subliminal meaning where none exist.

Care is an activity, not an aspiration.
If you care about something, participate in its care. Donate your time, money, and energy to uplift the things that bring you joy.

If it looks insurmountable, you’re standing too close.
The bigger the problem, the further back you need to stand to see the path through.

Accumulate experiences, not things.
Don’t rely on objects to encode memories.

People usually want their problems heard, not solved.
Often the solution is already clear to them, it’s just hard to confront the challenge alone.

How someone cares for you reveals how they want you to care for them.
Paying attention to how others show their love equips you to reciprocate.

Love people even when they don't love themselves.
Especially then.